


de Pimpernelle's Emporium of Odds and Sods

by Nicholas de Pimpernelle (dePimpernelle)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: BAMF Neville Longbottom, Drabble Collection, Sword of Gryffindor, hired wands, multi part pieces, wiazards for hire
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:54:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23427319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dePimpernelle/pseuds/Nicholas%20de%20Pimpernelle
Summary: Everyone has one of these, right? A recycling bin of works that are not quite stories in their own right, but bigger than your typical drabble. This is mine. Harry Potter AUs, for the most part, some crossovers. Multi-part stories will be labelled as such.





	de Pimpernelle's Emporium of Odds and Sods

This particular story begins in Germany, in the Black Forest in Wurttemburg.

The deep Black Forest was a dark place, especially the Hercynian throwback that was the Swarzwald Magical Reserve, tucked into a short valley on the lower reaches of Mount Feldberg. The spruce trees there packed closer together than the Forbidden Forest back home, the moonlight struggling to break through to the forest floor, making the whole place feel eerier in comparison – and I didn’t exactly have good memories of the Forbidden Forest. The worst part was the quiet, the thick bed of dead spruce needles serving to deaden our footsteps. All I could hear if I strained my ears was the sound of breathing and the rustle of clothing.

‘Remind me again, Harry, why I’m not at home with a glass of rosé and a good book?’ Daphne asked.

‘Because the Württemberg Ministry is paying good money for us to be here?’ I answered, stepping over a fallen branch, just visible in the light of my light charm. A _lumos_ lit up more of your body than the surroundings, but with the tight grouping of the trees meant a better spell was out. The light would give us away were there anyone out here to see it, but contrary to what the movies want you to believe walking through a real forest in the dark is a good way to turn an ankle.

‘That doesn’t answer the question, Harry. You know I hate getting dirty,’ she replied. Which was true, Daphne Greengrass was a tall, dark haired witch from a good family, who really did hate getting dirty. Why she’d stuck around in our line of work for so long I didn’t know, and I was a little afraid to ask. ‘I’m sure we all have things we’d rather be doing than traipsing through a forest in the dark.’

‘I had a date,’ piped up Padma.

‘Me too,’ said Neville.

‘A date? You two?’ Daphne scoffed, lifting her chin. ‘The real reasons, if you please.’ She fixed the pair of them with a knowing look, causing Padma to blush and Neville to look away.

‘A date with the new issue of _Runesmith & Enchanters Quarterly_,’ she admitted, after a moment. Padma Patil was excellent with any magic that had a defensive focus, way beyond the limited stuff I’d picked up. I could cast an Anti-Apparition Jinx with the best of them, but Padma was the only person alive I knew that could cast the Fidelius Charm. If you counted dead people that meant three people; her, Albus Dumbledore, and my mother. That's was a pretty impressive list to be on.

‘I do have a girlfriend, you know. Hannah Abbott? We went to school together? Hufflepuff, is this ringing any bells?’ We were walking spread out, rather than single file, the better to keep everyone within sight, but not so far away that Daphne couldn’t reach over to poke Neville in the side. He took it with a manful grunt, but sighed in defeat all the same. ‘Fine. I was going to work on a honeysuckle and night-flowering jasmine hybrid tonight.’

‘I knew it!’ Daphne crowed.

‘I hate you.’

‘Ahem,’ I said. I actually said ahem, just like McGonagall would have, like I wasn’t the youngest one here, or that we weren’t all adults in our thirties. ‘The real reason we’re here, Daphne, which you would know if you paid attention, is that a number of tourist groups have gone missing in the area in the last few months.’

‘Alright,’ she said, drawing out the first vowel in a drawl. ‘But why us? Why not the aurors, or the magical law enforcement patrol, or whatever they call that here. Isn’t this a little below our usual type of work?’

Daphne did have a point. We normally went for the kind of high paying work that was decidedly more risky.

‘Yeah,’ agreed Neville. ‘Not that I don’t enjoy traipsing through a new forest, Harry, but this is a little tame for us. A little low on the excitement scale.’

‘You just want to go up against something big and mean, so you can cut its head off with that ridiculous sword,’ Padma muttered, but loud enough for Neville to hear.

‘That was one time!’ he said hotly, like he didn’t a) have the Sword of Gryffindor in a scabbard belted at his waist right at that moment, and b) that he didn’t walk around with one hand on the hilt all the time like he was daring the universe to give him an excuse to cut its head off. ‘I swear, you cut one snake’s head off and it’s held against you for the rest of your life.’

‘It was a big fucking snake, Neville.’

‘So? To hear the Sorting Hat tell it, that snake was peanuts compared to the basilisk Harry killed.’

‘As I was saying,’ I said loudly, partly to head off an argument, and partly to divert attention away from one of the more ridiculous misadventures from my chequered past. I mean, who stabs a basilisk in the roof of the mouth? Really. ‘It _was_ a job for the local aurors, and the magical law enforcement patrol before them. Except they lost one team of the former and two of the latter, so they called in for people a bit more experienced.

‘Expendable, you mean,’ snarked Daphne.

‘Just so,’ I agreed with easy equanimity. Expendable we might be in the eyes of the Ministry of Magic of Wurttemberg, - which was one of the more insular Ministries from the German States – but gold was gold, and nothing we’d come up against had killed us yet. ‘Besides, my bet is rabid werewolves, or rogue vampires on the run from the Balkan clans.’

‘I suppose,’ allowed Daphne. ‘Werewolves _are_ easy.’

‘Cut their heads off,’ agreed Neville happily.

‘I’ll also allow that vampires are easily handled,’ she said.

‘Cut their heads off too.’

‘You have a serious problem, Neville Longbottom,’ Padma broke in, causing Neville to scoff.

‘It’s simple,’ I said, gesturing expansively with my offhand. ‘We find whatever has been taking people, we kill them/it, we rescue whoever is alive, then we go home again, all the richer for it in gold and new experiences.’

Of course, nothing is ever that simple.


End file.
